What If I Fail?

Q: I want to achieve a certain goal at work, but I am very afraid of
failure.

A: Failure is a label that you have attached to an experience in your life.
Usually, this label comes with the added note of “What will others think of me should I fail?” The answer to that is another question, which is “Does it really matter?”

Q: It matters to me and my boss. I could get fired if it fails.

A: You could also get fired if it succeeds. Additionally, once you have
successfully completed this task another will arise and then you return to
your prison of self-doubt and worry.

To escape from this prison, you need to become indifferent to the outcome.
(That doesn’t mean that you tell others “I don’t care if this works or not.”
By stating this to others you reveal your “fear” and your attachment to
other’s opinions. Keep your thoughts to yourself.)

What being “indifferent to the outcome” means is that you know that you are doing your best, what will happen will happen and that you are not attaching any feeling of self-worth to the outcome.

Q: If I succeed I will be happy; if I fail I will be unhappy.

A: Yes. In both cases you will feel a certain way for a few moments then
move on to something else. How long you hold on to those feelings will
dictate your attachment to the issue.

Q: I don’t know if I can do this. I think it will make me feel uncomfortable.

A: How do you feel now?

Q: I constantly feel depressed. I don’t always know why, it’s just a feeling
that comes over me. How can I get rid of this feeling?

A: Don’t try to get “rid” of this feeling, try to understand it. Instead of judging this feeling as being “bad,” try to discover the root of your feeling.

You may find that your sense of depression has become a habit. It gives you a sense of comfort - as strange as that may sound - and it gives your restless mind something to do.

Observe your feeling - without judgment. Imagine picking up a magazine and seeing a painting of a snowstorm. This painting has no affect on you – you are just looking at it. Do the same with your feeling of depression. You can sense the heaviness if you like, but then you need to allow that feeling to move through you and out of you. Through repetition of this observation, the sense of depression loses its strength and can never return as strongly as it did before. Eventually, it will dissipate forever.

Intuition and Facts

Question: “I feel that I should move forward on an idea that I have. However, some of my friends say that I should wait and collect more facts. I think I have enough information and feel good about moving forward, but others say wait. Should I follow my intuition?”

Answer: As mentioned in a previous post, your intuition is akin to your “still, small voice” that, if listened to, will provide you with answers to questions or solutions to problems, before or in place of additional “facts.”

The reason I placed the word “facts” in quotes is because, oftentimes, facts are merely other people’s opinions. These people may be correct, but they also may be incorrect. By listening to your intuition, you allow your inner you to communicate with you and show you the way. One should always collect information, but eventually, you have to make a decision based on how you feel. What is your still, small voice saying to you?

What is Intuition?

Question: “Can you give me an idea of what intuition is?”

Answer: Intuition is often described as a sixth sense, hunch, gut feeling or sudden insight. In essence, intuition is your inner you, your inner spirit speaking to you. This inner spirit loves you and will always guide correctly… if you listen to it.

The More I Get, The More Stress I Get

Question: “It seems that the more things I acquire - money, cars, things - the more stressed out I get. Why do more things that I think will make me happy, actually, make me feel stressed?”

Answer: To find out if an area is safe to cross, the military will send out mine sweepers to locate any mines in the field, in order that a regiment can move safely forward and continue its journey.

Unfortunately, people surround themselves with “mines” and then wonder why their journey in life is filled with so much stress, worry and fear. The “mines” of which I’m speaking are the acquisitions that we feel will make us happy. More money, more power, more position, more stuff, which translates into my money, my power, my position, my house, my credit card, my yard, my friends, my stuff, etc.

What is fascinating about our “mines” is that they cause us to not only seek more, but then also cause us to worry about losing the “more” we have sought. Silly, isn’t it? If you would like your journey through life to include peace of mind, then you may need to employ, from time to time, a mine sweeper. Ask yourself, “How many mines have I placed around me?” Then ask, “Can I remove some of these mines from my life?” If you feel that you can’t, then determine if you can defuse some of the importance that you place on these mines in your life.

Sweep as many mines away as you possibly can. By reducing the number of mines in your life will make your journey more peaceful and relaxed. This simple step of mine sweeping will help you to eventually reach the point where you no longer need so many things and will replace your mines with “thines,” thereby obtaining a more perfect peace.

Am I Negative?

Question: “I think that I am a very positive person, but my husband said I am negative. How can I discover who is correct?”

Answer: Trying to discover “who is correct” is, in itself, somewhat negative. For if you discover that you are correct, what would you do with those results? Perhaps, the best thing to do is to use your desire to discover the possible negativity of your conscious thoughts as a way of learning how to become a more peaceful person. You can do this via a simple exercise. Take a moment to write on a pad of paper any “strong” feelings or thoughts that you have throughout the day such as, “I hate this cold weather,” “That idiot cut me off,” “Look at the beautiful sky,” etc. Review these feelings and see how many are positive or negative.

Of course, the veracity of this exercise will depend on how honest you are with yourself. If, during this exercise, you make a point to say nice and wonderful things when you usually would not, then you may need to enlist the aid of your husband or a close friend to monitor and notate your normal reactions to life. Regardless of the outcome to this experiment, look at what you have learned about yourself and use this information to adjust your reactions to events or people in you life.

Failure and Pain

Question: “When I fail at doing something, I can really be hard on myself. What can I do to ease the pain?”

Answer: You have connected an event or situation to your “identity” and therefore, you believe that if you have failed, you must be a failure. You may desire to have a situation come out a certain way, but you must release that desire’s connection to you. What is success or failure but a label - a label that we apply to an event in direct relationship to how others may interpret the outcome. Look at what it is you wish to do and remove the need for others to note whether you were - in their eyes - successful or not. If no one were to notice whether you were “successful” or whether you had “failed,” you wouldn’t really care about the outcome. Beyond doing the best that you can do, try to eliminate the importance of labeling your results.

Anger and Problem Solving

Question: “I am trying to deal with a problem, but I am so angry. I can’t figure a way out. How do I get out of my situation?”

Answer: A desire to escape a problem is the wrong route to take. It is better to understand the problem. Don’t take the problem personally. Just step back and look at it as an outside observer. This takes the sting out of the problem and allows you to create a more peaceful solution.

Needing Direction

Question: “I have no direction in my life. I feel very insecure about not only my life, but what my future holds. Any ideas on how I could feel more secure?”

Answer: Your idea of security is no doubt attached to some person, thing or condition. You might say, “If only I had that person in my life” or “If only I had that job or more money then I would feel secure.”

This is an illusion. The more you attach yourself to some person, thing or condition the less secure you actually are because that person, thing or condition can change at any moment and no longer be a part of your conditioned world. Then you will be “insecure” again.

The large majority of people strive for security via more money and things, the better job, bigger house or certain people in their lives. Yet, the only thing that they receive from these striving is more insecurity. As Thoreau once said, “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”

What is difficult for many people to understand is that it is okay to be uncertain. It is okay “not to know.” When you can allow yourself to be unsure - not demand security and diminish your attachments - then you release the pressure of having to be secure. Through this release, you gain understanding of what you “truly” desire in life. Your needs diminish and your wants slowly evaporate. When this understanding finally takes root, you step away from the masses, and become secure.